MALTSICLES®!
Cool, refreshing, and spirited!

How do you cool down an overheated monk? And let us tell you, it can get pretty hot toiling in the peat bogs of St. Ardbegs! At those times, only a Maltsicle® will do!

Now you too can indulge your thirst when the heat is on with the monk's own malt-on-a-stick. Our monks (like Salvatore on the left) live for a frozen delight at the end of a long, long day. Maltsicles® are made from the finest, 12-year-old single malts, and come to you straight from the freezers of St. Ardbeg's -- deep below the foundations of the Our Lady chapel.

Get refreshed! Get energized! Get a Maltsicle®!

Please use responsibly. Do not operate vehicles or heavy machinery after enjoying your Maltsicle®.

Twelve to a box. Shipped overnight via Express Mail in liquid nitrogen. Please open very carefully. Do not use sharp instruments! Do not inhale fumes from your case of maltsicles.

Official Conclave Vestments
Now available online!

AS A SERVICE TO BELIEVERS EVERYWHERE, the Knights of Malt now offer official liturgical vestments for sale online. Hand-made by the reputed firm of Trombley & Son, exclusive purveyors of fine, sacred haberdashery to the Caledonian Conclave for over five hundred years, these liturgical garments are guaranteed to provide you with many years of service! All are stain-resistant and are offerred in three basic sizes: novice, monk, and abbot.

Enhance your experience of the holy Spirits by joining our monks in a habit - and not a bad one at that! Let Trombley & Son make you divinely dapper - the fulfillment of every nun's fantasy. And you can feel monkish all under with our finest jute sacramental underwear or, as our own monks call it, the "Thong of Thongs"! Also, avoid the embarrassing 'undergarment line' that will mar the look of your new cassock by purchasing only the best Trombley and Son blessed foundations made of the thinnest and silkiest sackcloth - no inappropriately-timed itches!

Suit yourself at Trombley's! And, for your next giving occasion, consider our gift certificates. Nothing says "thank you" like a brand new cassock!

THE KNIGHTS OF MALT wish to thank his Holiness the Pontiff of Peat, Pope Balvenie XVI, for his unsolicited endorsement of the products on our merchandise page. The photograph above captures His Holiness' enthusiasm while showing our correspondent through the Pontifical Wardrobe, which was filled with rows and rows of immaculate Trombley & Son vestments.

Order yours today! All proceeds go, of course, solely toward glrorification of the Spirit.

Spiritum Laudamus!